Is Your Definition of Success Making You Miserable?

Is your definition of success a fatal mistake?

For some, success is defined in terms of the dollar amount on a paycheck. For others, it's the title on their business card. Others may define success in terms of the accolades and awards they have won.

But the problem with how people define success these days is that when they're forced to change it, they can't. Look at the businessmen who have committed suicide because they have lost fortunes. Consider the workers who are fired and then go back to work, armed with a gun.

Extreme cases, sure. Not everyone considers killing themselves or others when their livelihood is threatened. But it does point out that maybe we need to revisit our own definition of success.

Start by completing this definition: "Success to me is...."

After you complete this sentence, then review it and determine if you're on the path to achieving that success. If you were to lose your job or money tomorrow, would your definition of success still be valid? Or, would you consider yourself a failure?

I remember a job where I worked long, stressful hours and often labored for a boss who had mood swings like a freaking roller coaster. It made for a tense situation, to say the least. One day I was talking to a co-worker and the exhaustion was overwhelming. I felt so dissatisfied, frustrated and even angry. Then it hit me: If I died that day, I didn't want the only thing on my tombstone to be "Always met his deadlines."

Ugh, I remember thinking. I wanted my life to account for more than that. It wasn't until months later that I started making some real changes in my life, changes that I know made me much better able to balance my life and devote time and effort to more than my job.

Right now, times are tough and some of us are beginning to panic. But I think it's a golden opportunity to really think about what is important in your life, and weed out the things that don't really matter.

You are the one who must define what success is to you. One thing I know for sure: You are more than a job title, you are worth more than a number on a paycheck and you are more than an award to hang on your wall. Is the destination you have in mind worth the road you must travel? Only you can answer that.

So, how do you define success?

Tick,tick,tick,tick, tick....

Let’s say you have a typical life and try to live it in the healthiest way. You might allocate your 24-hour weekday this way:

Sleep: 8 hours
Exercise: 1 hour
Work: 8 hours
Eating: 2 hours (leisurely)
Hygiene: 1 hour
Travel: 1 hour (Commuting back and forth)

That would leave you a whole three hours for time with friends or family, shopping, preparing meals, chores, errands, sex, and of course homework. If you have a dentist appointment, or your talkative relative calls, or if American Idol has a two-hour special, you’re tapped out.

It’s a challenge to live a happy life if you aren’t giving enough attention to all of those categories, yet doing so is nearly impossible.

One time management strategy is to become independently wealthy, freeing up eight hours a day. But that option isn’t available to many of us. And apparently it isn’t all that fulfilling because most rich people continue to work full schedules.

Another strategy is to ignore the fact that you would be slowly killing yourself and decide to sleep and exercise less. That frees up several hours a day. The only downside is that you get fat and die.

A third time management path is to work less than you could, live economically, enjoy each day as it comes, and try not to think about living on cat food when you retire.

Which strategy have you picked?

Well I am here to say there is a better way!

Time management skills are especially important for chronically stressed New Yorkers, who often find themselves performing many different jobs during the course of a single day. These time management tips will help you increase your productivity and stay cool and collected.

1) Realize that time management is a myth.
No matter how organized we are, there are always only 24 hours in a day. Time doesn't change. All we can actually manage is ourselves and what we do with the time that we have.

2) Create goals.
Remember, the focus of time management is actually changing your behaviors, not changing time. A good place to start is by figuring our what the goal is for your day. Prioritize everything else around this. You should start each day with a time management session prioritizing the tasks for that day and setting your performance benchmark, using something like the chart below. Put your day's tasks in one of the boxes depending on if it is URGENT or NOT URGENT to get to today, and if it is IMPORTANT or NOT IMPORTANT to your long term goals. If you have 20 tasks for a given day, how many of them do you truly need to accomplish today?

3) It’s all about PLANNING!
Think of this as an extension of time management tip #2. The objective is to change your behaviors over time to achieve whatever general goal you've set for yourself, such as increasing your productivity or decreasing your stress. So you need to not only set your specific goals, but allocate your effort to meet those goals. Write down how much time you will spend on your priorities each day, and track them over time to see whether or not you're accomplishing them, and what is derailing you.

4) Eliminate personal time-wasters.
For one week, for example, set a goal that you're not going to take personal phone calls while you're working. Or you’re not going to reply to text messages as soon as they come in. Or you’re not going to check e-mails every hour and stop to respond to them. We eat up a lot of unnecessary time during our day by interrupting our productivity with other distractions. Control the time you spend on such distractions and you’ll accomplish more during the day. For instance, reading and answering email can consume your whole day if you let it. Instead, set a limit of one hour a day for this task and stick to it.

5) Establish routines and stick to them as much as possible.
While crises will arise, you'll be much more productive if you can follow routines most of the time. Routines are time savers because they lessen the amount of time you need to decide what to do next.

6) Be sure your systems are organized.
Are you wasting a lot of time looking for things? Take the time to organize. Develop systems. Is your computer filing system slowing you down? Redo it, so it's organized to the point that you can quickly lay your hands on what you need. What other things can you organize?

7) Don't waste time waiting.
From getting stuck on the subway to doctors appointments, it's impossible to avoid waiting for someone or something. But you don't need to just sit there and twiddle your thumbs. Always take something to do with you, such as a report you need to read, a checkbook that needs to be balanced, or just a blank pad of paper that you can use to plan your day. Technology makes it easy to work wherever you are; your PDA and/or cell phone will help you stay connected.

You CAN be in control and accomplish what you want to accomplish - once you've come to grips with the time management myth and taken control of your time.

Which one(s) of these ideas would work for you? Are there any other time management ideas can you think of?

Obama has his Cabinet--do you?

As Barack Obama continues in his first days in office, he'll be surrounded by trusted advisers.

Before he makes a decision, he's likely to consult members of his Cabinet. He'll probably ask their opinions on everything from foreign policy to domestic issues. In the end, of course, the final decision will be his. But he will make that decision based on input he's received from people he trusts and respects.

So, who is in your Cabinet?

You may think you don't need a trusted group of advisers. After all, you're not the president of the United States, and may believe that it's a luxury reserved for world leaders.

Not so. In fact, no one may need a Cabinet today more than someone trying to get ahead.

That's because times are tough. It's hard not to be pessimistic about the future, at least for the moment. But with a Cabinet in place, you not only can do a better job of keeping difficult times in perspective, but you can have in place people to advise you when times are bad -- and good.

Who should be in your Cabinet? Well, let's consider who Obama has chosen. Some descriptions that come to mind: Smart, savvy, experienced and diverse. His advisers are not shrinking violets -- and Obama has reportedly encouraged them to be true to themselves and offer their unbiased opinions.

That's exactly what you're aiming for with your Cabinet: Smart, savvy, experienced and diverse. Now, let's look at how you put a Cabinet together:

* Make a list. Think of those you've worked with in past and current positions, or others you've met through various professional or academic functions. For your Cabinet, it's best to steer away from personal friends and family members. You want people who are more concerned with what's best for you professionally, rather than just becoming emotional about what happens in your career.

* Don't rush. Putting together your Cabinet won't happen overnight. You need to carefully consider each person, develop a comfortable relationship with them, to be able to begin to access the strengths and experience they can offer. And, you need to be able to offer something in return -- this is supposed to be a relationship that is beneficial for them as well. Perhaps you'll be a Cabinet member for them or be able to offer valuable contacts or help when needed. If you don't think you can offer reciprocal benefits, you may need to consider someone else.

* Who has your back? In the working world it can often be tricky to know exactly who to trust. A person may say they have your best interests at heart, but actions speak otherwise. When looking for a Cabinet, think about who has covered for you at work without whining about it. Or, the person who gave you a heads up about a new project that you might like or the person at another company who alerted you to a great new job that was opening up. Your Cabinet members should be supportive of you, and show they have your best interests at heart.


* Be realistic. Your Cabinet isn't going to do your work for you. That's still your responsibility. They're in place to give you advice, to act as a sounding board and to give you their honest opinion whether you're doing the right thing or headed for disaster. Don't abuse their talents and don't take them for granted. Make sure you always offer something of value in return, and you and your Cabinet will go far in the coming years.

The time is now to begin managing your career. It can begin by building your own Cabinet or Board of Advisors. What are some other ideas or considerations for building a career Cabinet? Do you have any experiences to share about trying to build your own?

See you in January!

Taking a little year-end/new year break.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and a wonderful winter holiday season.

I'll be back in January with some more ideas to think about in 2009!

Choosing the frame that complements the picture.

A famous experiment by Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky went as follows:

Imagine that the US is preparing for an outbreak of an unusual disease, which is expected to kill 600 people. Two alternative medicines to combat the disease have been proposed.
Assume that the exact scientific estimates of the consequences of the medicines are as follows:

If treatment A is undertaken, 200 will be saved.
If treatment B is undertaken, there is a one-third probability that 600 people will be saved and a two-thirds probability that no people will be saved.

Which one of the two treatments would you prefer?

Kahneman and Tversky found that a substantial majority of people would choose treatment A.

Then they gave another group of people the assignment but with the following description of the (same) options:

If treatment A is undertaken, 400 people will die.
If treatment B is undertaken, there is a one-third probability that nobody will die and a two-thirds probability that 600 people will die.

They found that, in this case, a clear majority of respondents favored treatment B! But the treatments really are exactly the same in both cases…!? How come people’s preferences flip although they are confronted with the exact same set of choices (be it described slightly differently)?

It is due to what we call “framing effects”, and they greatly affect people’s preferences and decisions.

For instance, In the first case, treatment A is described in terms of the certainty of surviving (which people like), but in the second case it is described in terms of the certainty of dying (which people don’t like at all!). Therefore, people choose A when confronted with the first treatment description, while in the second case they favor B, although the treatments are the same in both situations.

This effect is quite omni-present. How you frame a problem or solution to someone (e.g. your boss) is going to influence substantially what option he is going to prefer. How the people who work for you frame a situation while presenting to you, is also going to determine what you will choose.

Did I frame this in a way that can be of help to you?

The Ultimate Productivity Habit

I was lecturing in one of my classes the other day and noticed that NO ONE was writing anything down. Now I realize that not everything I have to say is important, but the fact that no one was writing anything made me think about the lost art of writing.

I do believe if something is important enough to remember, it’s important enough to write down. This doesn’t just apply to class notes or random to-do tasks or events to put on your calendar. I write down everything: goals, ideas, what I spend money on and useful thinking points from books. The reason to write isn’t to keep records, but to be more aware.

Writing focuses your thinking. When you write something down, you aren’t just creating a paper record, you’re changing the way you think about it. Writing down a goal changes a whim into a conviction. Writing down your expenses changes excessive spending from a bad habit to a conscious choice. Writing down your idea turns a vague suggestion into a clearer concept.

Writing is like an upgrade to your thinking. In the normal flow of thought, you can’t edit typos and make adjustments. If you get distracted, it can be hard to return to your place. And since your short term memory is only about 5-9 items long, you can’t think over more complex ideas.

When you start writing things down, you have an upgraded level of thinking about them. Writing things down makes you more aware of opportunities and problems, like a temporary boost to your IQ.

What Should I Write Down?

Obviously you can’t write down everything. You can’t write down everything said in a conversation. Writing down everything you eat or everything you do can eat up a lot of time. Writing is valuable because it forces you to focus, so writing down everything would ruin the purpose.

You should write down anything you feel needs more clarity. If you need to get in touch with how you feel about something, write about it. One of the best exercises I ever did came from the Julia Cameron book "The Artist's Way" in which she suggests you wake up every morning and just write 3 handwritten pages of whatever comes to you mind. It does not need to be profound thoughts, just write and keep writing whatever is on your mind until 3 pages are filled. You will be surprised after awhile how this exercise will focus you on your concerns, and more importantly what you can do about them.

Trust me when I say that this exercise changed my life. No kidding.

If something is important and worth getting done, it is probably worth writing down. Ask yourself what things could use more focus in your life. Writing isn’t an instant cure that will immediately make you more productive. But it makes you far more aware of what needs to be done and how well you are doing it.

If there is a part of your life that is unknown, inconsistent or in poor shape, you should consider writing more down about it. Write down ideas and make records while you’re working on it, and spend time writing your thoughts when you’re taking a break. If you can keep writing for a few weeks, it can reveal solutions to problems you didn’t even realize you had before.

I suggest committing yourself to writing something down for at least a month. Writing isn’t a natural habit, we weren’t born with the skill and it’s one of the first pieces of technology we had developed. As a result, if you don’t commit to continuing it for a few weeks, you probably will return to relying only on your short-term memory. Thinking is good, but writing plus thinking is even better.

Monkey Business

Here's an experiment that involved 5 monkeys, a cage, a banana, a ladder and a water hose. Tell me what you think.

The 5 monkeys were locked in a cage, after which a banana was hung from the ceiling with, fortunately for the monkeys (or so it seemed…), a ladder placed right underneath it.

Of course, immediately, one of the monkeys raced towards the ladder, intending to climb it and grab the banana. However, as soon as he started to climb, the researcher sprayed the climbing monkey with ice-cold water. In addition, however, he would also spray the other four monkeys…

When a second monkey tried to climb the ladder, the researcher again sprayed the monkey with ice-cold water, and applied the same treatment to its four fellow inmates; likewise for the third climber and the fourth one. They all learned their lesson about how things work: they were not going to climb the ladder again – banana or no banana.

But the experiment did not stop there. In order to watch what happened, the researcher replaced one of the old monkeys with a new one. As expected, the new monkey spotted the banana, thinking “why don’t these idiots go get it?!” and started climbing the ladder. Then, however, it got interesting: the other four monkeys, familiar with the cold-water treatment, ran towards the new guy – and beat him up. The new guy, blissfully unaware of the cold-water history, got the message: no climbing up the ladder in this cage – banana or no banana.

When the researcher replaced a second old monkey with a new one, the events repeated themselves – new monkey ran towards the ladder; other monkeys beat him up; new monkey does not attempt to climb again – with one notable detail: the first new monkey, who had never received the cold-water treatment himself (and didn’t even know anything about it), with equal vigor and enthusiasm, joined in the beating of the new guy on the block.

When the researcher replaced a third monkey, the same thing happened; likewise for the fourth until, eventually, all the monkeys had been replaced and none of the ones in the cage had any experience or knowledge of the cold-water treatment.

Fianlly, a 5th new monkey was introduced into the cage. It ran toward the ladder only to get beaten up by the others. But ask yourself this: why would these all new monkeys beat each other up over the banana, when none of them ever experienced the cold water treatment? Probably like human because they learned: "that’s the way we do things around here”…

I got this story from a colleague. It reminded him – and me – of quite a few of the organizations we have seen. Over the years, all firms develop routines, habits and practices, which we call the firm’s “organizational culture”. As I am sure you know, these cultures can be remarkably different, in terms of what sort of behavior they value and what they don’t like to see, and what they punish. Always, these habits and conventions have been developed over the course of many years. Very often, nobody actually remembers why they were started in the first place... Quite possibly, the guy with the water hose has long gone.

Who do you want to be? The monkey that goes along, or the one who questions “the way we do things round here?” You may initially take a beating being an agent of change, but actually you might be doing something valuable for the organization. And there's a banana in it for you if you learn to question the status quo...